[Ad/Collab] When I was growing up, divorce was not common at all. An uncle of mine had divorced, but that was it for my entire, extensive, expanded family. As I grew up through the 90s and 00s, I came across more people who were divorcing, but there wasn’t much open information or conversations over what to do if you did divorce. Divorce, when it was my turn, was more of a scary, alone thing. A breakdown of a relationship, growing to the point where I no longer knew who I was married too, an ending of a very long and what I thought was forever, chapter of my life.
I don’t regret my divorce, it was something that made my life better and made my children’s lives better, but when you start the process of divorce, it’s just scary. It’s a sudden change. Often, we think that our partners, during a divorce, will still be reasonable and agree with what you feel is right. When I started the divorce process, it became clear instantly that I would need to go to court as I was blocked access to my children. It all happened so quickly; my name removed from the children’s school, the locks to the house that my name was on the tenancy changed with all my stuff inside, my children told things out of anger of the situation about me. It’s not something people want to go through. And courts take a long, long while to actually get back to you.
Mediation matches this quickness. Instead of waiting around for court which can take months to see to you, going to mediation would be a way for the other party, even though they are hurting, to have someone else talk to them and someone else represent your wishes and your child’s needs. When you are dealing with someone who’s in a bad place, due to anger and their life changing, they often will just so no to whatever you ask for, because you asked for it. Mediation gives you a third party person that is able to communicate between the two of you so that you don’t need to directly face the person you are divorcing. We didn’t go to mediation at the start, as it was something I simply didn’t know of. It sounded silly when I heard about it later in my divorce – why would I have a person talk between me and my ex? I cannot talk to them, so why would someone else make grounds? After our first court order, when we both wanted to make changes but things were still firy, we went to mediation and got a document where we both agreed to a few key changes. This document is just an agreement, but you are able to take it to a solicitor and get it put into a more official sense, which is often needed if you need mediation, which makes it more like a part of a court order.
When going through divorce, it is a very expensive process. Even the legal paperwork that makes you divorced is a lot of up front money. When I got divorced, I was also losing my job, as I had been working for my ex-wife’s family up until that point, and it became an overly toxic environment of people forcing me to “go home” and “work things out”, people taking phone calls with the children that I had been prevented to see, across the desk to me, but I couldn’t talk to them. It was horrific and a power move in a way to force me out of a job I had for years. Many people who get divorced do not have tons of expendable income; there are already so many things to pay for, often, like another place to live and another vehicle. Mediation is also extremely more affordable and sometimes free to those on low income, allowing you to get through more of your important matters before going to a court, so that you don’t need to pay for a solicitor for so much of their time in court.
Divorce is not something anyone plans for in their life, it’s not something easy or something that is talked about as often and as much as it should. There isn’t a guide book for the perfect separation or a way to better understand what to do. If you are going through the terrible process of a divorce, it’s worth starting with mediation, as there might be a lot to be solved before even getting to court. If you have gone through a divorce and have a court order that needs some changes, mediation is a great way to make changes without having to wait for an entire new court date.
If you are going through the terrible process of a divorce, it’s worth starting with mediation, as it could be a way for you to avoid the courts and a long and costly process. If you are already going through a divorce and have a court order that needs some changes, mediation could be a great way to make those changes without having to wait for an entire new court date.
If you find yourself in need of mediation, you can email info@wellsfamilymediation.co.uk and quote ‘mediation week’ in the subject line to get a free 30 minute telephone call with one of their mediators to discuss whether family mediation might be right for you.
Mediation sounds like a helpful way to make the divorce process less stressful and costly. It’s great that they offer a free call to see if it’s the right fit!
Relationships can break down and I think it is important to get independent help when needed.
Divorce is a truly scary thought to me and if a relationship goes to that far, then mediation can be the best solution for sure. A valuable read for sure!