“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them,” Brene Brown, American psychologist and researcher in topics of shame, courage, love, and empathy.
Sometimes the love inside us is so achingly painful that we don’t know what to do with it. We want to scream about our feelings to the whole world and, at the same time, keep it as a sacred treasure to you and your significant other. Brene Brown knows what to do: Cultivate these feelings. Act on them. Be playful and vulnerable with your loved one. And we’ll help by giving you 50 ways how to say “I love” without saying those words.
50 Ways to Say “I Love You” Without Saying “I Love You”
People experience love differently. Too many people tried to put feelings of love in boxes by coming up with love languages, love maps, and even the color wheel theory of love (yes, this theory really exists).
In psychology, love isn’t more than an interplay of childhood experiences and coping mechanisms. Take this best attachment style quiz to explore why you or your partner needs to be loved a certain way. This quiz, unlike other far-fetched theories, doesn’t “come up” with labels for love but explores attachment styles, an evidence-based theory that explains human behavior.
Saying “I Love You” With Actions
Actions are more believable than words. By ‘actions,’ we don’t mean grand gestures (they can be good, though). But routine behavior is what takes up most of our time.
You can say “I love you” without actually saying those words. All you need to do is show that you’re genuinely curious and caring about the person. Some indirect ways to say “I love you”:
- Get them something they briefly mentioned weeks ago
- Prepare coffee or food the way they like it
- At the end of each day, ask, “How was your day?”
- When discussing something, stop to intentionally ask, “What do you think about this?”
- Do chores with/for them
- Laught at their bad jokes
- Cuddle and comfort them
- Do something your partner hates to do (wash dishes, schedule an appointment, etc.)
- Squeeze their hand when in public
- Hug them from behind
- Kiss their forehead
- Give them your piece of clothing that they really like
- Leave them a small note in their work bag
- Peel and cut fruit for them
- Kiss them on a cheek/forehead when they’re asleep
- Rub their back
- Send them memes/funny videos you think they’d like
- Ask questions when they info-dump on you
- Celebrate their small wins
- Bring them flowers for no reason
Indirect Ways to Say “I Love You”
Saying “I love you” can feel out of touch and performative. If you really want a person to feel that you love them, you should say the words that are important to both of you.
Another good option to say “I love you” without saying “I love you” is to say something that’ll communicate that you care and prioritize them.
Here are some more ways to say “I love you””:
- “Text me when you get home.”
- “I saw this and thought of you.”
- “I’m proud of you.”
- “I’ll be by your side.”
- “I can’t wait to see you.”
- “You deserve so much more.”
- “You can trust me.”
- “I’ll handle this.”
- “You’re my favorite person.”
- “Thank you for being there with me.”
- “I thought of you today.”
- “I need you.”
- “Your opinion is very important to me.”
- “I’m a better person thanks to you.”
- “I will always choose you.”
- “You’re my biggest motivation.”
- “I love the way you [insert their niche habit].”
- “You’re so strong.”
- “I will help you with…”
- “The world is not as bad when we’re together.”
- “How can I be a better partner for you?”
- “I’m glad we have a life to live together.”
- “I feel like a teenager when I see a message from you.”
- “You wake up passion in me I didn’t know I had.”
- “Show me how to [insert skill your partner has].”
- “You look so beautiful, let me take a picture of you.”
- “I understand what you feel.”
- “I want your life to feel easier and safer.”
- “I’ll be there whatever you decide/choose.”
- “I can’t wait to spend the future with you.”
A Secret Way to Say “I Love You” Is to Make a Person Feel Appreciated
Love is not only about saying the right words at the right time. People feel loved when they are:
- respected
- appreciated
- prioritized
- feel seen
- safe to be vulnerable
This effect can only be achieved by a combination of timed words and actions.
These words and actions should communicate that you love a person. Not what they do for you, not what they look like to others, not what they believe they are. A person with flaws, different opinions, moods, and insecurities.
One hack for communicating this type of love: Emphasize how you love a person for who they are. Highlight how interesting their opinions are, talk about how you’re in awe of their skills, and express your love for something a person is insecure about.
Understanding that there is a person in the world who accepts your shape, rage, sadness, and, even more, loves you for them is rare. But those who have it are the lucky ones.