*AD/Collaboration, but as always, all views are my own.
It is always a sad time when someone passes. Often, if you have a friend or loved one who has lost a family member, you may be unsure on how to interact with them or support them after that loss. Their might be a fear that if you talk to them, you might say the wrong thing or make the situation worse, but when it comes to loss, having a friend’s support can really be a big help during such a hard and trying time. Often, you won’t be making the situation worse, and sometimes just being there can make a huge difference.
Bridge the gap
In the first few days of hearing about the loss, you should reach out. The person might find themselves overwhelmed, as it’s a very emotional time, and they could be in shock or numb to the loss. If you are able to simply tell the person you are there for them if they need you and that you are sorry for their loss, that can really mean a lot to them. The loss of someone close to you can feel very isolating and overwhelming in itself, so having someone there to tell you that they are available for you can ease this feeling of isolation. If you are really close to the bereaved person, you might want to call them or if you see them often, like at work, talk to them face to face. Even if you aren’t super close, you can always send a thoughtful text message, or a card to their door, just stating you are there for them or thinking of them in this time.
If that person then wants to talk, they will probably talk to you, and you can listen to them. It’s important to listen during this time and not compare your story or life to theirs. They have just lost someone close to them, so it is often not helpful to hear about how other people have also died. It’s not a time to try and fix anything and it’s not a time to offer solutions just yet, especially if it’s the first time they are dealing with the emotions that come with losing someone. If you did know the person who had died, you can always share stories or memories about them.
Offering to Help
If your loved one or friend is the closest person to the person who has passed away, they probably have a lot of actual tasks that they need to do, from letting people know about the death of their loved one to arranging funerals. If they aren’t particularly close with more of their family members or friends, it might be a huge struggle and task on their own. You can always offer to help with some of these things or offer to help with tasks that take up a lot of time that they may no longer have as much time to deal with, like arranging a food shop, looking after children, or cooking up some food for them to eat. If your loved one doesn’t know where to start when it comes to setting up a funeral or headstones, it might be worth looking into the support that various funeral places have to offer. Heart of England Funeral care have 24/7 support, for example, to guide individuals through running a funeral, funeral plans, and headstones, in case they need some professional guidance. Even if you don’t know the person who has passed away, you can always offer to go to the funeral as emotional support to your friend.
Send a gift
If you aren’t the best with words or offering help, you can always send a little gift to their door, to remind them that you are thinking of them. Often, people send flowers or food as a reminder that you are thinking of them and there for them if you need. If you are looking to do something a little different, you can always plant a tree in their loved one’s name or donate to a charity in memory of their loved one, to keep the name remembered. Gifts mailed, much like cards, can offer support without directly communicating with the person who has suffered the loss, which can be a better option if you yourself aren’t in a place to provide emotional support.
Checking in
Even after the funeral, and after the bulk of the shock, it’s important to check in with your loved one. Once life has clicked back to “normality” they may still be struggling. Going back to work after a funeral and returning to day to day tasks can sometimes keep people busy, but often they are still dealing with the loss. It’s important to let that person know that you are still thinking of them and still there if they need any sort of support or help. Often people who have suffered a large loss are prone to getting ill and feeling unwell, so it’s important to encourage people to look after themselves and not work too hard when adjusting back to life. It’s never safe to assume that people are now okay with a big change, like the death of someone close to them, so making it known that you are still there for them is a massive help.
This is always such a tricky area to navigate. And at the moment it seems like we all know someone who has lost a loved one.
Yes, it does feel like there has been a lot more loss lately.
It is so hard to know what to say and how to help. My husband was hit hard when his nan passed away.
It is a difficult time, really.
We have had a hard loss in our family when my father-in-law passed away. I found talking about memories really helped us.
Being able to talk about memories and remember your loved one can really help.
I think this post will be of use to people. It’s so hard to know what to do when someone dies. Thank you for this post
I hope that it helps.
These are all such thoughtful ways to show someone you are there for them during such a tough time. Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things I’ve gone through,
It is a really difficult time.
Having someone pass away can really hit hard. That is true even if you expect it.
It always is a hard time for everyone involved.
Losing someone you love is never easy, words never feel the emptiness and sense of void you are left with but your tips are on point and certainly helpful. I found actions accompanied with sympathy words can be very comforting. Thanks for sharing this.
Yes, often showing you care and being able to talk to the person can really help.
I suspect that most people have lost a loved one since the pandemic. I’ve lost 27 loved ones.
It’s been a really hard time. I am so sorry for your loss.